Today, I remember Marina's death one year ago. This evening, I've visited again her grave at Ruhleben Cemetery, Berlin, Germany. And as usual, I decorated the grave with a fresh single "wild" rose (liked by Marina trought the years of our relationship).
After Marina's death my father (who lost his mother some years ago) told me: The first year of mourning would be the hardest. This first year is over now. And I can tell you: Marina was in my mind everyday.
Marina died between 17:00 and 18:00 in finally cause of kidney failure. About 19:20 I got the awaited phone call from her kind female doctor: She has gone to rest (she has passed away).
I changed my clothing to "all in black" and took the next subway to station Rüdesheimer Platz. The doctor was waiting for me. She asked me: Do you are capable of doing this? I answerred: Yes! Together we entered Marina's appartment. Her body was still lying on the brand-new care bed, just delivered some days ago to ease some of her suffering. Marina's hands were could, her arms were cool, but her neck was still warm. I hugged her body and kissed her forehead, cheeks and her mouth. At that moment, I was ready to meet the death body of a loved-one for first time in my life.
Later, the undertakers showed up. And Marina's body was stowed in a black plastic bag. That was horrible! I followed the black car, hammering against the window and crying "By, by, Marina". It was the sadest day in my life.